Have you seen a feature bit called “What’s in my bag?”-where celebrities and the like empty out their purse to show you its contents? I’ve seen it in Us Magazine, InStyle and numerous blogs. And it always makes me feel like crap. Its always beauty products that look like they were just bought, a cell phone, a wallet, and some jewelry (Because you never know when you’ll need a pair of chandelier earrings. ???) It’s always so…..pretty. Every time I see it I wanna say bitch, please. These chicks need to take a look at my bag. Granted, I don’t carry around a dainty clutch, I carry around a diaper bag that might as well have been made by Samsonite. I pack as much crap in that thing as possible. Because I have found that in toddlerdom, (pretty sure that’s not a word but it needs to be) every time you don’t have something, that’s when you need it. Today, I was at the park with some other moms and their kids and a mom said to me “What don’t you have in there?” Well, nothing, really. Remember the bag from Mary Poppins-the one where she pulled everything out of it from a brush to a coat rack? It feels like that sometimes. And it made me want to take inventory. I got home, emptied it out, and took pictures. I didn’t clean it up first, either. (Which is why I had to vacuum afterwards-I took home some wood chips and dirt from the park.) So here it is. Here’s what’s in my bag:
Gross, right? And to clarify: those napkins are soaked in grape juice (actually so are some of the tickets), the green cup was my veggie juice from this morning and I’m pretty sure it smells like ass right now, and if you look closely you can see bits of dirt and wood chips. Here, see:
A ball (because my son always freaks out when we’re at the park and other kids have a ball and he doesn’t), the grape-juice soaked napkins, the grape juice, pop chips, Desitin, cheddar bunnies, oyster crackers from my soup at lunch yesterday, a coffee sleeve, tickets from a kid’s play place, an empty water bottle, keys, a jammy sammy and a mystery brown paper bag.
And here we have my phone, diapers and wipes, a spinosaurus (duh), hand sanitizer and cleaner, a piece of a broken toy, sugar in the raw (I find that a lot of places don’t have it), my wallet and a rubber band. (and what the hell is in that paper bag?)
Grape-juice soaked napkins and receipts and a Mickey Mouse band-aid. There’s only one band-aid becuase my daughter likes to put them on for fun. So then when she walks out of the house covered in band-aids, I get all kinds of fun looks.
Here’s my daughter’s inhaler (that thankfully hasn’t been needed in a long time but you never know), 15 different lip products, and a baggie of crayons.
Also in my bag is Tinkerbell, Batman tattoos from a birthday party, 2 pairs of sunglasses, straws and a note from my eye doctor. (from 2 months ago.)
It almost all went back in. And I found out that the mystery brown paper bag had my daughter’s pound cake from our Starbucks trip yesterday. Score! I have dessert for tonight now.
And now you now what I haul around every single day. And most likely why I have back problems.