How my husband stole my turkey sandwich

I loved living alone. Really, really loved it. I had had roommates for a good part of my twenties, and when I finally got my very own place, I thought it would be boring. Or lonely. I mean, there’s no one to talk to. Or go out with. Or watch movies with. But when I finally got that first solo place, my eyes were opened. It was heavenly. An entire space to do whatever I want with? I took months and months decorating it-getting it just right, and I loved every minute of it. I could watch tv at 3am and not worry if the volume was too loud. (I worked the night shift as a nurse for years, so that is something I often did.) The tv was all mine and I didn’t have to share it or anything else. But I think what I loved the most was the quiet. The peaceful silence. After a long night of working, I came home to nothing. And it was glorious. I developed a few behaviors, if you will, that I enjoyed during my solo time. Sunday night became my most favorite night of all. Sex and the City was still on the air at the time, and I planned the whole day around it and I made sure to be home in time. I ordered a pizza from my favorite place up the street and had it arrive about 5 minutes before showtime so I could eat it and watch the show at the same time. I was so incredibly content. My other favorite thing to do (and this was always done on one of my  weekdays off) was to go food shopping and buy all the fixins for the most slammin turkey sandwich ever. That included a kaiser roll, swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion and mayo. (If you are single and live alone, you know that most of that will probably go to waste eventually.) I also bought a pile of trashy gossip magazines. When I got home, I put away the groceries, made my sandwich and sat down at my kitchen table with the magazines. I would spend a couple of hours there. That sandwich just tasted perfect while reading about JLo’s marriage problems. I can’t explain why, but it just felt so good. If you were a fan of Sex and the City, you might recall that Carrie referred to this as “secret single behavior.” Does anyone remember this:

Carrie: I need time to decompress, just be alone.
There have to be some adjustments. Relationships are hard.
I miss walking into my apartment with no one there
and it’s all quiet.
I can do that stuff you do when you’re totally alone,
things you would never want your boyfriend to see you do. My SSB:
my secret, single behavior.
I like to make a stack of saltines and put grape jelly on them.
I eat them standing up in the kitchen while reading fashion magazines.
– Why standing up? – It’s weird, but it feels great.
Miranda: I like to put Vaseline on my hands
and put on conditioning gloves while watching infomercials.
Charlotte: Before I was married, I used to study my pores
in a mirror for an hour each night. I’m afraid Trey will think it’s weird.
Carrie: He would. You can’t do that stuff in front of men.

I so related to this. My “secret single behaviors”might not have been weird, but the reason they felt so good is because I was completely alone when I did them. There was no one around to ask me to change the channel, or complain about not liking the pizza (both things that happened when husband entered the picture), and no one to interrupt my turkey sandwich/gossip magazine fest. I don’t do these things anymore, for so many reasons. For one, my tv is only mine after the kids go to sleep, and then it’s for watching DVR’d shows that my husband and I both like. I have since moved away from my favorite pizza place, but my husband didn’t like it, so I wouldn’t be able to order much from there anyway. And the turkey sandwich/magazine fest? For some reason I stopped buying the magazines, probably because I don’t have much time to read them, and any food that I make for myself gets stolen by my two little munchkins unless I eat it standing up in a corner or on the toilet, neither of which are very enjoyable.

Obviously I know that so many things change when you get married and have a family. I’m sure that my husband had things he liked to do alone. (Although I’m not really sure I want to know what they were….) But every now and then, I miss my S.S.B.